I posted an article about the 10 biggest mistakes women make in relationships, and I got a lot of positive feedback. When I posted it, I promised to follow up with a version for the guys, and interestingly enough, the list of the most common mistakes men make in relationships is certainly different. We all have unique challenges related to the way we see and interact with the world around us, regardless of gender. The good news for guys is that, if you do want to know how to do better, many of your challenges could be avoided by becoming more conscious of common differences in the way men and women navigate the world….CONTINUE READING
There are so many ways that otherwise good people mess up what could be healthy relationships. And many of the things guys do wrong in relationships come from a simple lack of awareness of how women process feelings and information. Believe me, heard about them all, and most of them fit into just a few key categories. For simplicity’s sake, I want to outline some of the most common relationship mistakes men make to help guys not only “get the girl,” but keep her once they have won her affection. The good news is that if you see yourself in some of the examples below, you can turn it all around if you’re willing to make an effort.
Here are the 10 biggest mistakes men make in relationships:
1. You don’t bring her presence
No, not that kind of present. I’m talking about a gift of another kind. When I talk about your presence, I’m talking about the same qualities that make you feel good about yourself. Do you know how it feels when you’re grounded, centered, and on top of your game? You’re crystal clear on who you are and what you want. You say what you mean and you mean what you say. You stand firm and you’re unwavering in the face of resistance.
Sounds great, right? Well, as good as it feels to you, women who navigate by feminine energy love and crave that even more than you. It’s hot, and it makes the ladies swoon when you hold that space. It makes them feel safe and protected because she trusts that you have what it takes to be her rock. By the same token, every time you act indecisive, fearful, uncertain, or all over the place, it breaks that connection and makes her lose attraction, untrusting, and even repulsed. This is a huge one, guys. It literally can make you or break you.
2. You don’t “get” or understand women
Feminine energy navigates the world via emotion, so sometimes she may be all over the place: happy one minute and raging the next. You should know that description falls far, far short of the definition of “psycho.” While that may be hard to understand when we masculine types navigate by logic and making sense, just trust me when I tell you that you’d do the same if you had her body chemistry. When you understand that her emotions aren’t irritating interruptions to your boring status quo, but instead a welcome diversion that livens up your world and brings you the best things in life like passion, fun, and excitement, you’ll see she makes your world better every single day.
Face it: left to your own devices, you’d probably work too much and have a lot less to look forward to regularly. Look at it this way: the masculine experience is kind of like a coloring book drawing: clear, simple, bold outlines that are fine standing alone on their own. However, they are lacking in tone, depth, dimension, or color of any kind. But then the feminine energy brings all the colors of the rainbow to it and it becomes brighter, more vibrant, and even radiant. Sure, now and then, the darker colors come out and they may even color outside the lines, but it does make life more interesting. Approach it this way and you’ll have a whole new appreciation for all the gifts your lady can bring to your world.
3. You are scared of or intimidated by her
I hate to even bring this one up, but some of you know it’s true, so let’s just get it out of the way. Guys tend to want to be in control and the truth of the matter is feminine energy is all about flow. Men can’t hold back the “flow” of the tides, and feminine energy can’t effectively be controlled long-term either. Tougher guys than you have tried to control it but it doesn’t work. A smart man knows how to channel that energy instead.
Sometimes it’s like a storm. It can be a perfectly beautiful day, and the next thing you know, the clouds appear, the skies get dark and chaos ensues. Rather than controlling it, you ride it out, respect it, and know it’s all part of the cycle of life. There’s no sunshine without rain; no happiness without grief; no black without white. The good news is that on the other side of the storm, the sun comes back out, and life is beautiful again.
4. You allow other things to be more important than she is
Feminine energy responds to adoration and praise. She needs your attention and the presence we already talked about. A compliment and your conscious focus will light her up from the inside and you will get to bask in the glow of her beautiful feminine radiance. On the other hand, because masculine energy tends to be single-focused, targeted, and an inseparable part of who you are as a man, you will — on occasion — ignore her, overlook her, and maybe even take her for granted while your attention is elsewhere. This is to be expected; especially when it comes to work and providing for her, but just know that like all things, it has to be balanced. Remember, any time you fail to make her feel special and put something or someone else ahead of her for an extended time, trouble is on the horizon. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
5. You’re oblivious to her feelings.
Now that you know that feminine energy navigates the world via emotion, you’ll need to learn to become consciously aware of how that works or you will struggle in relationships with women. Those are your choices, so choose carefully. I hate to see someone lose half their stuff to get that lesson so believe me, it pays to get outside of your self-absorbed viewpoint and be cognizant of how your partner is feeling.
Do you remember that “single-focused” aspect of men that we already discussed, especially when it comes to work? That’s where a lot of the trouble starts in this area, but it is a learned skill. By the way, notice I didn’t say you had to “fix” her emotions. They don’t need to be fixed, even though we all think we need to fix problems. You just have to notice them, acknowledge them, and ride them out with her while you support her. That’s not so hard, right?
6. You didn’t build trust or you broke it
This is an area where men struggle quite a bit due to several factors. We’re logical while they’re emotional, so we tend to be way less committed, especially early on. By the same token, feminine energy tends to think she’s in a relationship far sooner than men because she processes emotionally. That combination of logic and lack of early commitment often leads to men looking at other options rather quickly. Whatever mitigating factors may exist, the fact remains that trust is critical for a great relationship. Once it’s compromised or even threatened, it is difficult for two parties to regain it. So whenever possible, I urge you to proceed in this area with caution.
7. You’re too wishy-washy and made her feel unsafe
This is the flip side of the presence I talked about in item number one. As intoxicating as a strong, present man can be, a wishy-washy guy who’s all over the place can be positively repulsive. It’s a huge turn-off, and for good reason.
Feminine energy’s number one need at all costs is to feel safe. She can’t feel safe at all if she’s with a spineless, jellyfish of a guy that she can push around. She may act like she wants to call the shots herself all the time, but the truth is, it is exhausting for a feminine woman to live in her masculine energy for that long. Do both of you a favor and step up into being the kind of man she can rely on to look after what’s best for both of you. Trust me, if you do this, you’ll both thank me for it.
8. You’re too self-absorbed
Masculine energy is heavily predisposed and wired to pursue a mission and achieve goals. Men often believe they display their value through their ability to solve problems and fix things. As a result, their needs are often met on the most consistent basis throughout their professional lives. One of the biggest red flags of a relationship in trouble is a man who spends a lot of time at work — not because he may be having an affair — but simply because his needs are being met primarily in the sphere of work and not in his relationship.
As I said in mistake number four, any time you put work or anything else ahead of your relationship for an extended time, trouble is on the horizon. Honestly, if you’re not willing to make the effort to manage your work/life balance, you’re essentially being unfair to both a potential partner and yourself.
9. You don’t fully recognize the value she adds to your life.
Usually, when someone is far more interested in work, recreational activities, or maybe even hobbies, they are simply living in alignment with their deepest values. Relationships — or at least the one you may be in at the moment — simply don’t measure up to the payoff you’re getting in other areas. People will always invest their energy where they feel they get the biggest payoff. A man who is inspired and supported in his mission by his woman will find a way to have both, but it’s up to him to prove he has the bandwidth to support both.
Remember: You can get all the promotions and raises you want, or land the huge deals that get your heart pumping, but the question I have for you is this: How rewarding is it really if you don’t have someone special to celebrate your victories with at the end of the day?
10. You don’t know what you want out of life.
I hope that after reading this advice on the mistakes men make in relationships, you’ll focus less on the things you did wrong in the past and more on the new information I’ve shared to help you turn things around. If you’ve experienced more pain than joy in your relationships in the past, it stands to reason that you won’t exactly be in a hurry to try again, but that’s just the pain and fear of talking. No matter what you decide to do moving forward, the reality is that your knowledge, awareness, and efforts are creating the life you’re leading, whether you like it or not.
We can all only get so far by ourselves. As you’ll likely hear at many weddings, the beauty of any marriage or relationship is that you get to multiply the joy in your life and divide the pain by becoming a united team with your partner. Whatever decision you make, I support that as the right one for you at this time.
